Dear Helcat,

you’re welcome!

This quote from Anita on the School Bullying thread is her reference to our argument. This was the reason I spoke to her on that thread.

Oh I see…. I haven’t noticed it before, because I haven’t checked that particular post, but only the later one (from May 16). But yeah, that’s a clear reference to you, though she didn’t mention any names.

So it seems you were triggered by anita’s referring to you (indirectly) and describing you in a negative light, while not wanting to communicate with you directly and discuss the issues. You mentioned several times that anita was ignoring you, and I guess this too felt like she was ignoring you?

When reading through your correspondence from May last year, I’ve noticed something important that you shared about yourself:

It should be noted that being ignored is a trigger for me. My family do it when they are displeased with me. I don’t mind people expressing to me when they are feeling angry or upset and do my best to resolve disagreements when they occur.

Could it be that when anita stopped communicating with you (which was her way of reducing stress), it opened a wound in you – the wound of being ignored? Perhaps that’s why you had the need to approach her again and again, even if she expressed that she doesn’t want to communicate with you?

You said you much rather stay in touch and talk things through, even if you’re upset with the person: Do we get more upset than people who don’t have PTSD, sure. I don’t really see it as a problem though. It is a part of life. Usually, people communicate when they’re upset, there’s an apology and things move on.

For anita, she preferred peace and very much disliked conflict. She mentioned it many times in her posts. So I guess, being in conflict caused her too much anxiety and she needed to withdraw, i.e. stop communicating with you. It was her way of reducing anxiety. But for you, it triggered a wound, because she cut you off.

So perhaps this created an unhealthy dynamic: you seeking contact and closure/clarification, while she seeing those attempts as you persecuting and stalking her? You trying to talk about problems and clear the air, and she wanting to run away and be left alone.

What do you think? Do you think there might be something to it?