Dear Katrine,

I too (like X) think he uses alcohol, women and drugs to feel better about himself. I really hurts, I have been through a lot and don’t deserve this behaviour.

I know.. unfortunately when people are in their ego, they hurt others. He definitely hurt you with his behavior, because he was actually manipulative, both before you confessed to him, and after. Before you confessed, he behaved like he cared about you, but then it turned out he doesn’t. He was like “no, I don’t see you that way”. Although he did behave “that way”!

And then after you confessed, he started playing those games, as if he still wants to have power over you and keep you pining for him. So, looking back, it seems all he did (and is still doing) is manipulation. And that can be really hurtful, because you like the guy, you have your hopes up, and then it just gets squashed…

I think in this case my avoident naturen served me better, cuz I never gave him the same amount of attention as the others.

Right…but you know what I am thinking now? That perhaps your avoidant nature was a challenge for him (if he indeed craves female attention), and that’s why he was keen to win you over? Maybe he was flirty with you because in the beginning you ignored him (or pretended to ignore him), and he instinctively tried to charm you away and make you his “fan”? Because he needs girls to like him…

I don’t know, maybe I am taking this too far. But it would explain his behavior, which so far was a mystery to me and I couldn’t figure him out. Let me know what you think…

I am sure we will stay in touch. He talked about going back to Brazil in May for a couple of months and then come back here.

I am so glad! You seem to have a genuine relationship, without games and playing hide and seek. I am rooting for you two! And I hope the situation with the head chef resolves soon.