Dear Tee,

Haha, I’ve been talking to you longer and much more frequently than your therapist, that’s why

Haha True 😊
But that’s the cons for a good therapist, right? If they’re like really good at what they do, They don’t have enough time for all of their clients. But yeah this world needs more people like you 😀

That’s good! It’s nice that you could freely share that part of yourself, and that they weren’t judgmental at all.

Yes but that after like I have enough trust in them.

Yeah, that part you’d need to change…

That’s mainly because I don’t express emotions clearly but more in complex way. Right?

Right… well, your heart is probably very guarded. And you probably don’t allow yourself to feel much because you’re afraid of where it may lead you. So far relationships were always a disappointment and a cause of frustration, so you’re very very careful.

Hmm that’s right I’m feeling like I’m not able feel the way that I felt in my first or second relationship. So feeling of Love is just meh for me. And I think that feeling of love (Not just romantic) is really important. It gives that warmth and give you the perspective to look everything around you with love and kindness. I know my heart is full of love, for sure! But what the point if it’s this much guarded and closed.

And also, you said that so far it was always that the girl approached you. You never made the first move… But did you ever like a girl but were afraid to approach her?

Oh well yeah fear of rejection and anxiety just hits me hard sometimes. Specially if I have to do things face to face. And like after starting this thread I did tried to approach a girl once (I was talking to Anita that time) and I still remember it vividly. We were on the bus sitting next to each other and It took like me 2 hours to approach but I was crazy I didn’t talked, I was all sweaty and anxious, I typed it my phone notes app and showed it her. And She said I’m engaged. After that in my head I was like “oh well I proved my point I did asked her. Now look at the window and just listen to Spotify. Don’t you dare turn your face towards her” 🤣🤣🤣

I haven’t tried after that, Most of the time I’m attracted to girl who’s like “Out of my league” So I’m like why risk? this also could be self-esteem issue because I compare even though I know that all humans just have different preferences. And funny enough most of the girls who did approach was actually “Out of my league” But yeah once I’m comfortable and vibe with someone it’s lot easier for me. I need to find smart & creative solutions about this 😂

Hmm more or less yes I think.. But I’ll still think about it more and let you know

Okay so I’ve asked this to one of the girl I was in LDR with and she told me I did kind of acted critical and superior but never judgmental. I asked one of my close friend too and she said the same thing. So yeah after gathering the data I can say Yes.

Really good to hear this. You’re right – there is no growth and fulfillment in life without facing our fears, so yes, you’re on the right track.

Yes but taking those first steps with the different fears that’s important thing. To at least start you know at least that’s what I think.. Like for leadership roles I used to think why would I take this much responsibility? That’s just crazy. Just work on what you have and relax. So even though I had the skills I was just running away and not striving towards my true potential. Like no I’m not able to do it. That’s just not me. But now I know what growth mindset could do.