Dear John,

I guess that all these things can overlap to a certain extent, such that one terminology doesn’t necessarily fit perfectly.

Definitely, I think what’s important is to start working on your ability to protect yourself from the abuse. And the ability to do what you want to do, not always what your wife demands.

You can start with something small – like what restaurant you’d like to go. It doesn’t have to be a major decision, such as to leave your wife.

Have you tried asserting your will in small everyday decisions? And if so, what happened?