Dear SereneWolf,

But didn’t talked on real time on video. She be like she prefers to take videos 2-3 times after she thinks those are “good enough” to share. You seeing the issue here right?

Yes, I see… she had very low self-esteem, and felt ashamed of herself even in front of you.

So you mean to say even though I wasn’t being critical but it’s how she perceived me because of her issues?

Well, you said a while ago that you asked her and another friend of yours if you were critical, and they both said yes, kind of:

Okay so I’ve asked this to one of the girl I was in LDR with and she told me I did kind of acted critical and superior but never judgmental. I asked one of my close friend too and she said the same thing.

Although to be honest, I don’t know how one can be critical and superior, but not judgmental? Because acting with superiority kind of implies that one looks down at the other person as not good enough…

But Yes because I was worried about her mental health more. That’s why I wanted her to sleep properly and have fresh and healthy food. And at times I did felt frustrated and she said sorry to me lot of times

Yeah, it’s like a worried parent attitude – being worried for her for not following a healthy lifestyle, and then getting upset with her (not always, but from time to time) for not following your suggestions. At those times she probably felt she failed you and felt the need to apologize.

So to me it definitely seems like an unhealthy parent-child dynamic, even if you were trying to be as patient as possible, and would only get upset occasionally.

In fact, I guess you were upset more frequently than you let on (we’ve talked about it already), so she could probably feel your disappointment and frustration, even if you tried not to show it. And even if you managed to hide it, it was still frustrating for you, right?

Yeah I totally agree! Lot of the energy goes into reassurance

Yes, it does. But it’s in vain, unless they work on it therapy…

So the thing is her parents didn’t waited much longer. Like first her and then directly next year her little sister. And I guess after that they found out it’s good to wait to give proper time. So after like 10 years another kid, her brother And her little sister got attention more than she wanted to.

Oh I see… so she felt neglected because her little sister “stole” her parents’ attention. And she probably felt not good enough and not lovable enough because of that. That can very easily be the cause of her low self-esteem.

I was frustrated for sure! I think it’s one of the reasons I gave up on that relationship. Because If I’m putting time and effort, I want to see progress. work or relationship.

Yeah, it’s always a recipe for failure to be in a relationship with someone who cannot love themselves. If you’re attracted to such girls, who seem needy and in need of your help – that’s something to be aware of and to work on. Okay, the doctor is certainly not that type 🙂 But in general, if you feel better being with girls with low self-esteem, that’s a problem.

I mean she wasn’t flirting with them. But it’s kind of my problem even though It was only a first date I did felt possessive so.. It happened to me a lot of times even though I don’t like to be committed I do get possessive quickly

Maybe you feel those other guys will steal her from you?

She actually complimented me that she didn’t met good listener like me in years. I guess I did improve my empathy skills

Great! Good job! 🙂

Hmm yes, kind of? There’s duality. Like one side thinking is like you’re good enough as you are, you don’t need to “copy” others. And other side is like Wow how good it would feel to be this much energetic & fierce.

Ah it’s like you start judging yourself for not being as energetic and fierce. So instead of appreciating her energy (which you like, as it seems), you start judging yourself for not possessing those same qualities. Your inner critic gets activated… So be aware of that: how you start comparing yourself with her and seeing her as superior, and you as inferior…. and this is another recipe to ruin the relationship. So be aware of your inner critic…