Hi Adam,

you’re very welcome, glad this is helping you.

From what you’ve described, it does seem she has past trauma, which makes her react too sensitively and even believe things that are not true about you (such as that you were cheating on her). Although she knows it’s not true, there is a voice in her head telling her it is. I think that’s all a part of the trauma and the way to protect herself from perceived danger. Danger that she believes is there, although it’s not any more.

You said she sometimes has pseudo seizures. I haven’t heard about it before, had to look it up, but I guess that too can be a part of PTSD, related to her sexual trauma. Has she been in therapy at all? (you said she refused when you tried to “push” her).

The things you did or the remarks you’ve made – which made her upset and offended – were minor things and not something a person with healthy self-esteem would get upset about. Telling her you shouldn’t trust her directions while traveling since she’s made many wrong turns in the past – well it was an honest observation.

Someone with healthy self-esteem would laugh at it, but she took it very badly because it hurt her – because of her emotional wounding. Those past hurts make her very sensitive and easily offended, and I guess you needed to apologize a lot (I always reassured her after she told her this isn’t true and I do make stupid comments at times but it isn’t me trying to hold her down). Things that were just regular remarks and perhaps some innocent teasing she took as your attempt to put her down and hurt her. I guess she took it as a proof you don’t love her, right?

She had sexual trauma and would occasionally get pseudo seizures. By looking into the details I think there was times she believed I may have triggered her trauma and seizures and it was her body telling her we weren’t right together. As I said I was always actively changing ways to avoid triggering this. I would apologize to her every time and ask what I can do.

I would imagine that sex would have triggered her trauma, but her conclusion was wrong: that those seizures meant you’re not the right person for her. As I said, I believe those seizures are a part of her PTSD and she would need to seek therapy for that.

You were very careful and tried not to trigger her, but the thing is when someone suffers from PTSD, they are hypersensitive and hypervigilant. Even the smallest thing can trigger them. So no matter how careful and understanding you are, there is always something you’ll say or do wrong. You cannot really “win” in this, unless she seeks treatment for trauma.

So I think the key question is: how open is she to therapy? Because you alone can’t help her. She would need to choose to help herself, and then you can serve as support on her journey, sending her encouragement and love. But you alone against her trauma won’t work, I am afraid. It’s not something you wanted to hear, I guess, but I am afraid it’s the reality of the situation…