Hi Adam,

To answer your question one of the conditions my psych said was to actually say that therapy is a must so I know she is making the changes. But again it’s hard as she wouldn’t want to be forced but I think it would have to come to that for my own security.

I agree with your therapist that she would need to seek professional help, and not rely exclusively on self-help or you helping her. Her issues are big enough to warrant therapy. This I think should be your precondition if she wants to get back together some time in the future. If she resists, of course you can’t force it, but you can still stick to this requirement. As you yourself said it, it’s important for your own mental and emotional safety.

Deep down I know she was lucky to have me. I genuinely do love myself and things I do for people, I always go above and beyond. I know im good without hearing it from others.

This is so good to hear, Adam. I am happy that you love yourself and don’t need to seek confirmation from her or anybody else.

Girls are definitely my biggest killer as I tend to get attached and obsessive which is what I will be looking at next with my psych. My first issue was the weed smoking but now I have good control over that and I’m happy where I am with that.

It’s great you could put smoking under control. That’s a great achievement!

As for the girls, it seems to me that in your previous relationships you were less attached to them than you were to your last girlfriend:

I probably wasn’t very considerate during my first couple relationships. They would definitely frustrate me a lot with their own problems which is harsh to say. …. I did feel like I was stepping on eggshells with them. They were not as laid back. I was smoking full time during them and it was a problem but I couldn’t stop.

Am I right thinking that you didn’t want to be too attached to your previous girlfriends, and it was more like that they were needy and clingy, while you were more of the avoidant one? They wanted something from you, and you found it annoying and just wanted to be left alone and smoke weed? (maybe this is oversimplification – let me know what the dynamic with them was?)

Whereas with this girl, things were different:

However this girl was different as I actually want to help her and be there for her.

None of them I felt for how I did this girl. Every moment seemed so real and there was no second guessing my heart at all. It really felt like destiny or a higher force to me and that’s why I wanted to give it my all.

For her, you stopped smoking weed. You didn’t want to break up (like you did with you past exes), you were clinging to the relationship, no matter how hard it was. You didn’t find her annoying, and you didn’t feel like you were walking on eggshells, even though she was quite sensitive to how you were treating her.

It’s almost like the roles were reversed in this relationship: you were the one who was clingy, and she, with her frequent breakups and her dissociation/withdrawal behaviors, was like the avoidant one.

I don’t know how significant this is, but thought to mention it, since I’ve just noticed it. Anyway, let me know what you think…