Hello Tee,

Thanks for the welcoming! I have not posted in some time, that’s true.

Wow, what you described sound very accurate to what I am feeling. Thank you so much for this!

I knew there was something with this obsession, something not directly related to her, but still.. but not quite.

“you didn’t even know if you were dating or you were just hooking up. Am I assuming this right?” Yes that is correct. This was so stupid.. She even told me she was in love with me, and I think I told her this too. But it was so weird, she had some issues with ex girlfriend who found out about me and our “relationship” was not longer a fairy tale, we hurt someone else and then we hurt each other. She once called me her girlfriend but I did not even react, I think I did not see this text and when I did it was couple days later.. I think this all comes back to me because it was not processed at the time. I drank and did not want to face those feelings, and now they came back.

I know you did not say it wasn’t love, but.. do you think it wasn’t?

“Well, I believe that even if you loved her, this love wasn’t expressed as it should have been, because it was never communicated properly, and then you cheated on her.” It made me sad to read this but..it’s true.

It is true that something is lacking in my life right now, I am calm and things are in order but there is no romance, spontaneous meetings, happiness. It’s more like adult life. Routine. Is it bad?

I don’t think I should look for an excitement. Maybe I am just bored and this is all wrong, my thoughts and feelings now.

Or should I.