Dear Caroline,

Yes. I wouldn’t explain it better! I did not understand my feelings then. I am having a hard time understanding it now. But this conversation really helped me to clear some things up.

I am glad this is helping you! Yes, the way you described it it does seem like you were hurt, and the fact that you admitted you hooked up with someone else twice was your way of revenge, to express your anger and hurt.

Instead of saying how I was feeling I wanted to hurt her

I think you’re seeing it pretty clearly now…

She was living with her again but she told me they don’t have sex or anything. And they did not have in months. I believed her but.. I cannot imagine this to be true, honestly. I don’t want to accuse her though..but if that girl loved her and tried to hurt herself, wouldn’t she ever try to kiss her?

It’s possible they didn’t have sex, but only lived together out of necessity. Because she lost her job and didn’t have anywhere to go. And then her ex tried to hurt herself, so she kind of got stuck with her for a while. But she could have told you that, explained things to you, rather than cut you off. You didn’t know what was going on, and so you concluded she didn’t care about you. She too was jealous, insecure about your love, playing games (posting pix with her ex), so it wasn’t a mature behavior at all. And you said she was into drugs too, so it was really messy…

I want to talk to her, feel what I felt at that time when I was with her.. because that was the only and the last time I felt so strongly in love. (Even though I fell in love with a guy later but it wasn’t the same)

I don’t think I would like to get back with her, to be in relationship. I don’t want to ruin the life that I have and I don’t think she is stable.

I want to have sex though, I have been fantasizing about this a lot and I think it would be more than just one time.

Okay, so you’d like to feel passion and excitement – something you don’t feel in your current relationship?

Is there a way to renew passion in your current relationship? You say your relationship turned into routine (there is no romance, spontaneous meetings, happiness. It’s more like adult life. Routine). Is it because your girlfriend is not interested in romance and would maybe find it silly?

I am putting the stress on your current relationship, because it seems there is something missing there, and you daydreaming about you ex is just a symptom. You said you never fell strongly in love with your current girlfriend… so maybe that’s something to look at?