Hey SereneWolf 🙂

Yes and I’ve tried but perhaps she had even deeper trust issues than me, so she didn’t wanted to share anything with a therapist (Or a stranger as she’d like to address)

That’s interesting… since therapists are vowed to confidentiality and they are non-judgmental per definition. But some people are like that with authority figures, and maybe a therapist in her mind meant a  judgmental authority figure, and it scared her… But it could have also been an excuse, because if someone rejects therapy, and hasn’t even given it a try, it usually means they don’t really want to change in a deeper way…

Yes I think so, Also because I’m kind of bored of texting but if I rethink in person I’m not that much better. So I guess I just need more “in-person” practice.

Well texting all day (i.e. making it the only way of communication) is tiring, but this would have been more like a check-in text, just to show you’re thinking of her. And since you were at your parents’ place, you had an excuse why it would have been only a short text 🙂

I did tried it. I’ve tried to encourage for voice notes since it’s time-saving for both of us and also more connecting? And seems like she’s okay with it.

I am not sure it’s more connecting, but it’s a good replacement for texts. If you want more connection, a phone call would be much better, in my opinion…

But yeah she’s definitely not a person who forgives you easily. I could notice that from her tone of voice

Okay, but she could have texted you too, if she was so keen. So it’s like she expected you to text, and was angry when you didn’t, but she hasn’t texted you either. She only admitted later that she wanted to, but then deleted it. I mean, I understand she is upset and feels like you don’t care, but she could have texted you first…

That I’m not ready for this and she’s gonna turn her back anytime.

Well, your fear is still strong. That’s why you rather play it cool and uninterested. You’re doing the avoidant pattern. And it could lead to breakup with time, specially if she expects a normal level of interest and dedication from the guy. And I guess she does, that’s why she is so upset. So yeah… you’d need to decide what you want. Do you want to challenge your fear, or you want to succumb?

Hmm so for expectations like this it’s just a perfectionist inside me trying to “fix” others? So as we talked I still need to work on my acceptance part gradually.

The perfectionist likes to fix people whom he sees inferior than him in some way. It’s more like a defense mechanism, because if you see the person as inferior and in need of fixing, then you feel safe because you feel you’re above them (“better” than them) and therefore, they won’t judge you.

Thinking about your 3-yr long LDR, perhaps the perfectionist in you needed to receive praise and validation from her, because this is something you were missing as a child. But it could be that she didn’t give you too much praise and validation, because you said she often sabotaged your meetings, didn’t listen to your advice etc?

So I am thinking now that your perfectionist fixer is possibly a reaction to not receiving praise and validation from your parents? And trying to get it now in romantic relationships?

Remember that I told you about the interview? Turns out I didn’t got that job. But Now that rejection made me feel like no matter what I want more responsible fully remote position like that. So I started to apply and got more rejections and now I feel even more down

Yeah, I wanted to ask you about that interview… sorry you didn’t get the job. But then again, at least you’re clear now with what you want: a position with more responsibility, fully remote. How come you’re sticking to fully remote btw? So you’re more flexible with where you live?

And nowadays I’m also getting crazy afternoon slumps. Like after 1PM I can’t of think anything but eating and sleeping. I’m taking more than 2-3 hours long naps and then be like oh day is already ended.. So now I’m mostly finishing my work at late night. It’s been like a month! So kinda it turned into a habit.

Alright, so you’re doing that Mon-Friday, during working hours? You’re having long naps in the afternoons, and then you need to work late to finish your tasks, right? Perhaps you can introduce a short walk (or even a bike ride) in the afternoon, to freshen you up?

And yeah I also want to go deeper into CTPSD things we’ve talked about if you don’t mind

Sure, no problem…