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Dear Madina
How are you?
I have just read thru this thread & I apologise in advance if I don’t talk about your post sequentially.
Instead of thinking of fixing yourself think that you are nourishing, nurturing & befriending yourself.
Part of meditating is seeing your thoughts for what they really are – thoughts – this is not dismissing them or the power that they can hold over us. I have also noticed that when in deep meditation I am ageless and without gender or sexual orientation.
I remember a conversation I had with a woman I worked with she said she had always been in hetrosexual relationships but when she met her spouse ( a female) it was the person not the gender that she fell in love with.
I hope that you can access therapy that helps you address the issues that surround your childhood and maybe the other stuff around your orientation will fall easier into place.
Roberta