Tee!

Thanks so much for writing some more. I must say that it is refreshing to speak to a community that is compassionate and empathic. Thank you for your time and input.

I am glad things have progressed in a good direction since, and that he wants to be exclusive because he feels the deep bond as well. That’s great news!

After I reflected on the conversation, I think I was positively surprised most by the amount of introspection, he said he spoke to some peeps but mostly had to have inward conversations with himself and be honest about what is holding him back, and that recognizing that he was hurting my feeling was a huge revelation for him, he was feeling horrible about that which made him realize how much he cared. It was important to me that loneliness is not a reason for someone to reconsider as that would have not been acceptable for me.

This is also good news that the divorce is coming soon and that they both see it as inevitable. It’s not something he/they are stalling and are uncertain about. I thought there is something unresolved between him and his wife, but it seems it’s really just practical/logistical and not to do with emotions.

Yes, it is just logistics and some finalizing of financial matters as things change yearly and there has to be updates. They are ok with planning, so there is room for multiple weeks vacation even, and there has been some talk about Europe trip in the fall, initiated by him as he wants to see where I am from (and the food there is so good lol).

I am really happy for you, Theltfactor. You really value yourself and are clear about your needs and preferences. And your boundaries. That’s fantastic. And I am happy that he is on board too, at least he expressed his willingness to try.

Thank you, this is so nice to hear! Admittedly, it was not always this way, I used to be a lot more of an accommodator but behaviors of others (in my past cases unreliability, slight manipulation and flakiness) really motivated me to say no. Last time I dated someone who after 3 months started testing me “how much is she willing to do for me” by texting he’s not feeling good and passing on vague messages about us being together (this lasted for 3 weeks and I said, hey, you wanna break things of you better grow a pair cos I am out if you continue like this) I basically got fed up. None of the relationships where I was “too nice’ lasted more than 3-4 months, as that’s what it took for me to say see ya never. It is hard tho, especially when someone likes other things about a person! These were years ago and I feel like for the past 4 years I have been able to put my integrity first 🙂

Thanks for clarifying the terms as well, quite helpful and makes sense!! Also, the friend who gest sick and does not want his gf around, dude, home made beef broth is the best, your loss! (joking but really, that is sad).

Thank you again!