Hi Tee,

Thank you. It’s a huge relief that it’s getting easier.

Oh sorry it’s the same girl (green eyes brown hair, same looks like me and his x girlfriend ) just me not articulating properly. My guy was certain that he liked me, but he doesn’t seem jealous really just didn’t like when I said that it hurt seeing them together (before he told me he liked me) Yeah I think your right (about only bringing it up in the right moment) I didn’t have the best respond to him when he asked about my thoughts about us dating. I acted very childdish, I shut down and basically pretended I couldn’t hear him, then mentioned that I was looking therapy so I could start dating. I just panicked a bit, couldn’t say yes but couldn’t say no. I felt trapped  it just really caught me off guard cuz he never flirted with me, he said a lot of nice things to me and about me to others but he is a nice guy. I think it was my fear of intamacy that made me react like that, because I did indact ask around about him when he started working here.

Yeah that makes sense, cuz it really took all my energy, especially with his behaviour after. And he knows that I struggle in this department and so I need time.

I am constanly worried that he will leave me. Going from friends to more changes the dynamic and now all my wounds comes to surface, like you say. I nearly broke it off before it started because it would be easier for me to leave him than for him to leave me. I get very defensive when that wound gets activated. Your absolutly right and this is a good chance for me to heal those wounds, i am speaking my thruth more and more. Even just having that chat with the manager about the head chef was hard for me but I did it, and I have been opening up to him before he left that it was hard for me to see him leave and he said he felt the same. Being aware of when I start to assume I know what him (and people) are thinking is my first step, because I really don’t want to screw it up because of the past. I also think I am reacting this strongly because not only is he away for that long he’s also no longer working the same place as me, and it makes me afraid.

Yes, we talked about it and he said that we can call too if I like. We have been writing and he is very happy being with his family and going to the doctor with his dad and I have been going out with my collegues for drinks and dinner and it was really what I needed. Work has been so overwhelmening, too many changes Y is apparently gonna be our new f&b manager (after the one who got fired) which has made people wanna quit.