Dear TheltFactor,

you are most welcome!

After I reflected on the conversation, I think I was positively surprised most by the amount of introspection, he said he spoke to some peeps but mostly had to have inward conversations with himself and be honest about what is holding him back, and that recognizing that he was hurting my feeling was a huge revelation for him, he was feeling horrible about that which made him realize how much he cared.

That’s amazing – it means he is open to self-reflection and he also has empathy, because he could put himself in your shoes and realized that he was hurting you. Which is very promising!

Yes, it is just logistics and some finalizing of financial matters as things change yearly and there has to be updates. They are ok with planning, so there is room for multiple weeks vacation even, and there has been some talk about Europe trip in the fall, initiated by him as he wants to see where I am from (and the food there is so good lol).

This also sounds great! I wish you that many of those plans get materialized!

Thank you, this is so nice to hear! Admittedly, it was not always this way, I used to be a lot more of an accommodator but behaviors of others (in my past cases unreliability, slight manipulation and flakiness) really motivated me to say no. Last time I dated someone who after 3 months started testing me “how much is she willing to do for me” by texting he’s not feeling good and passing on vague messages about us being together (this lasted for 3 weeks and I said, hey, you wanna break things of you better grow a pair cos I am out if you continue like this) I basically got fed up. None of the relationships where I was “too nice’ lasted more than 3-4 months, as that’s what it took for me to say see ya never.

Good for you! So you didn’t put up with flakiness for too long – you knew what you wanted and respected yourself enough to break it off if the guy was only half interested or was playing games.

It is hard tho, especially when someone likes other things about a person! These were years ago and I feel like for the past 4 years I have been able to put my integrity first

Great! You’ve learned your lesson and now you can stand up for yourself and not allow lesser treatment. Even if the guy has many good qualities and you like him a lot…. Well done, TheltFactor, kudos to you! 🙂

Thanks for clarifying the terms as well, quite helpful and makes sense!! Also, the friend who gest sick and does not want his gf around, dude, home made beef broth is the best, your loss! (joking but really, that is sad).

You’re welcome! I actually needed to clarify it to myself too, because I wasn’t sure about it either… And yeah, having a home-made soup when sick is the best thing, so yeah…. not the wisest decision 🙂