Hi SereneWolf,

continuing about your girlfriend’s recent admission…

I know but I’m not disappointed because I wasn’t much attached, I didn’t ask if her ex left her, or she left him

Well I know it’s not really normal, but I feel good like I’m saved from emotional frustration and etc. Like how Americans say “Dodged a bullet?” Idk if it’s relevant here

Yeah, that’s your avoidant attachment style. You keep a distance, you put on a guard, you don’t allow yourself to get too close… In this situation now it might be useful, since the girl still has feelings for her ex. And it doesn’t leave you too affected emotionally, in fact you feel a sense of relief…

She wasn’t surprised she already sees me as someone who’s “Calm and composed” She told me this in our first date and I said It’s what you see but I do have anxiety like some other people…

Even this time she told me – you seem not agitated about this at all. I just asked her reversibly do you really want me to?

And yet still she kissed me good before she left with little sigh…

I guess she is disappointed a little that you are so “calm and composed” about not having her in your life. That you don’t love her and miss her more. That’s what the sigh means, I guess…

I guess I didn’t told you, Remember when she came to my place and cooked for me? Well that night after dinner we went on my terrace for stargazing, and we were talking and she was about to tell me I love you, I just shushed her and told her that, let’s take it slowly and kinda also sarcastically said it’s the “mild breeze” talking

Yeah, you stopped her from expressing her love, I guess because you didn’t want to express it to her either? You were afraid of deep emotions. And also, perhaps the belief that “I am hard to love” was still present in you a little, so how could she possibly say that she loves you – it must be the breeze and the stars…?

It could be that she agreed to give her ex another chance because she is missing more “attachment” from you, more eagerness to be with her? I am not saying it is your fault that she is conflicted, but it could be that she feels she’s not important enough to you, and this contributed to her conflict? Has she ever complained about your emotional “coolness”/reservedness till now?