Hi SereneWolf,

I guess you’re right. She wants extreme kind of love but now that I’m much aware I’m taking things slowly

well, she wanted to tell you she loves you, and probably expected to hear the same from you… Because you’ve been dating for a while, visiting each other, watching the stars together… I don’t think it’s extreme, but for you, it’s too much. Because for you, telling someone you love them comes with a lot of load, with fear of vulnerability, and perhaps fear of their expectations… Perhaps for you it’s like something that would start an avalanche of scary things, and you don’t want it, right?

I mean like we discussed I was already anxious and afraid of taking things so fast.

I guess that’s why I stopped her from expressing her love, and I don’t know I’m just believe in slow love more? Like aging wine. It gets better, In No rush.

Hm…. yeah, or it’s fear of getting hurt? I think in people with avoidant attachment, it’s rather the latter…

If she’d met me few month ago, she’d get exactly what she wants. More attachments and eagerness haha

Well, that eagerness might have lasted for a month or two, and then you’d likely get cold feet… I mean, now you were more patient and self-aware than with your previous date, which lasted for only a short while. And you could better control your impulse to run away, which is great! So I think you are actually doing better now than a few months ago, but it’s still probably not enough for her, since you’re not very “eager”.

And No She never complained about my emotional “coolness”/reservedness only praised it many times.

Actually she kind of did – remember when she got angry when you didn’t contact her while you were at your parents’ place for a week? Also now, she was surprised that you weren’t more upset when she told you about her ex. And even the fact that she chose to meet her ex and is considering getting back with him is to me a proof that she isn’t getting what she wants in the relationship with you.

I am not judging you or anything, I am just saying that these are all signs that she probably didn’t like your coolness towards her, although she might have appreciated it otherwise, in other situations.

But like I told you before she’s like a high school girl she just feels “a lot” so it’s obvious that she wants someone like that?

Not necessarily. She might appreciate someone calm and composed, i.e. stable and not overly emotional in everyday situations, someone who will not explode easily at people or make rash decisions. So maybe someone a little different than her. Someone to ground her. However, it doesn’t mean that she likes when you are being cool and not eager towards her. Because those are two different things – how you behave with others and how you behave with her.

So I talked to her this evening. She and her ex had a meeting and apparently, He wants her back and she said he’s not like before (Which I doubt it somewhat) she’s still feeling conflicted but she said she don’t want to cut ties with me…So she didn’t gave him any answer and told him to wait…

If she feels conflicted, it kind of confirms what I suspect: that she likes one part of you (cool and composed with others), but she doesn’t like the other part of you (cool and not eager with her). So she is vacillating…

So I told her take her time, I’ll support her decision.

Okay… so you’ll leave it to her to make the decision. But keep in mind that she is most probably not happy with your coolness towards her, and that’s something that will bother her. You can even ask her about it – whether your lack of eagerness is the reason she is thinking about returning to her ex.