As mentioned I arranged to see the lady I hold most dear.  After 4 years of not seeing her.  We have communicated regularly but that was as much as I was allowed to remain in her life.  This time she agreed to meet at my request, which I didn’t expect having been rejected many times since the last breakup.  My fault as always.  I think she sensed I am struggling at the moment.  I sense she agreed to meet out of pity as much as anything, which doesn’t do much for my self-esteem.  We had a lovely time but it was made clear that it wasn’t going anywhere.  Any sort of friendship seems not to be possible, which makes me wonder why we are still communicating regularly.  Knowing our history of many on and off periods, past experience tells me that “no” doesn’t always mean “no”.  This time it feels different but I will live in hope with my delusions of what could and should and would have been if my issues had not got in the way.   Tee – in answer to your question, I think she has a partner but I don’t know for sure.  On the balance of probability and lifestyle, I think she does.  I didn’t ask as I would prefer her to tell me in her own time.  I hope she is happy.  She tells me that’s the case.  No room for me anymore but I’m glad we met which will probably be for the very last time.  She told me she has moved on and it’s all in the past.  Ancient history etc…. I need to move on as well but I know myself well enough to know that won’t be anytime soon.  She was the one and I pushed her away with my self-destructive behaviour.  In a few weeks time it will be 31 years since the first day we kissed.   Clearly, I’m one of those creatures that pairs for life.  Nature is full of them.