Dear Anna,

you are very welcome!

Yes, this relationship had a devastating impact on my self-esteem and even faith in humans. The ending was just disgusting to me…

Yeah, if he threatened to sue you for something you’ve said, that’s really low.

It made me cry because I can’t grasp or accept the fact that the guy I was so in love with now is threatening me like that.

I can imagine you felt crushed by his cruelty and his total lack of empathy for you. You thought you knew him, and he turned out to be someone completely different. I totally feel your pain and disbelief. Try to not blame yourself for any of the abuse that happened – he was manipulating you in the beginning, probably love bombing you, and you got hooked.

As an empath, one really listens to your partner, is open to amend the behaviour so gaslighting makes one’s mind crazy.

Oh I see. So he was telling you what you’re doing wrong, and you wanted to please him and correct your behavior, right? You were open to changing yourself… but he abused it – because in fact, the problem wasn’t in you, but in him. But he presented it as your problem – that something is wrong with you. And I guess he managed to convince you and you started to question yourself?

He would say I don’t give him space. But when we argued or I would voice my needs or concerns (I would state things calmly) he would shut down and normally either didn’t talk to me till I started a conversation or would just continue after some time as if nothing happened. So what could one do in such situation?

He was using silent treatment to punish you for expressing your needs. He didn’t want to hear about your needs – he only cared about himself. And his silent treatments were effective because after a while you reached out to him, naturally, because you needed connection and bonding. You didn’t ask for accountability, you just resumed with loving him. So those silent treatments were in fact a way to silence you – to manipulate you into accepting him on his terms and not ask anything for yourself.

I’m a bit worried because next week I’ll be staying in the city where my best friend lives. Normally I always stayed in her place but as it seems she doesn’t want to host me I’m staying somewhere else. I’m a bit sad but also preoccupied how she will act when we meet.

Do you think she might have changed her opinion of you? Was there a big fallout between you two in the recent times?

It’s just I don’t know how many disappointments I can take these days…I’m normally tougher but currently I feel vulnerable and broken.

I understand. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can break the person. I am glad you left his country and stopped all contact with him. Only no contact will enable you to heal gradually. I hope your friend will still be there for you, even if she can’t be that safe haven she used to be in the past.

Please keep writing, if it helps…