So I ended up getting my things. There was no conversation at all, she was blunt and cold. Typical she messaged me later but that was our final goodbye because she couldn’t do it in person.

She admitted to emotionally processing the break up before it happened and taking it out on me. Her ‘deal breaker’ was the difference between us. Because of the differences in us it wasn’t the relationship she wanted to have. Made me realise that it was all manipulation, especially this.

She said she wants to be there for eachother but doesn’t see how it would work without being together. I decided to just leave it at that because I feel like I got a bit of an answer and atleast she admitted to certain and owned up as well.

No she didn’t want to change. By her last message she wanted to relationship to work around her and accommodate to her needs and wants. I am starting to see it now more I think.
I am going to move on because that’s not what I want from a partner in the end. A relationship shouldn’t be that difficult. It was super toxic.

She definitely used the break ups as a way to control me, whether she knew it or not. She knew I was readily available when she wanted. When she would pull away I would always be following behind ready to give her my heart back but not this time.

No time was any different, it honestly just got worse and spiraled out of control. All the false promises, still no work, still left, still unstable and the list goes on. Those few things should’ve been enough for me to leave. As you said leaving would’ve been a healthy reaction in the first place. It was all just a fantasy and in reality she was not good for me.

I was good enough though in the end she even said I did nothing wrong which I already knew. It was her not me. I was trapped and got brought down by her disgusting moods.

It does hurt a lot and the pain of being alone I can handle but it’s just how she burned me that hurts. I trusted her completely again and it was broken again. It’s always the ones closest to you. I know what I deserve though.

I’ll get back to being happy pretty quickly I think. I will find my passions again and the weekend boredom will soon vanish. It’s still quite fresh for me.

I get so attached and clingy especially with exes and I don’t know why. I think it’s because now that person is gone all the memories we shared feel like they are gone as well. I have been told by too many people now that she has totally consumed me and I need to forget so it’s what I’ll try to do. It’s the only thing I’ve been thinking and stressing about for months now and it’s not healthy.

I do have a deep longing for love and maybe it’s related to my inner child. I know one day I will find someone but in the meantime I will try focus on loving myself again.

Thanks Tee