I honestly think she will reach out one day and I won’t be able to tell if she is lying or has truly changed or atleast wants too. I give people my all and maybe it’s something to do with being to readily available that people table advantage of that fact.

Okay so if she reaches out I’ll just ask how she is going and if she has a job or is doing therapy. Then maybe we could talk? Is that what your saying? I am trying to not linger on the possibility it’s just difficult after everything she has told me.

She wanted to enjoy life without being medicated as she felt it would disconnect her a bit, I think that was her main reason so I was supportive of that. I understood.

Everyone is telling me she will grow and mature then come to notice how committed and caring you really were. I think this in itself gives me hope and causes wishful thinking. I told her myself I would do it all over again. She will struggling with relationships, not many people could put up with her I think and would do the healthy thing and leave much before I did. I still catch myself wanting to look at her social media etc. I don’t want to block her though for some reason, like if I do block her she won’t message me, almost like I’m holding on it still. I feel bad about how I left our final message, I only said goodbye and time we go out separate ways. I was quite blunt and my friend said there’s no hope so just be firm with her. However I regret not saying more now but that would’ve probably just created more turmoil.

I think it just got worse as time went on, last time I was really devastated and blinded by love. I felt like it was something I did. She was also in a very bad spot in her life and she still is I think this is another reason why I want to be there for her, although I was told I wasn’t.
I don’t understand this attachment fully but it’s hard to process and deal with.

Thanks for the list Tee, I will write some of these downs and add onto my own!

I do suffer from anxiety and it’s always at its highest when I’m dealing with break ups. I always feel so on edge after them and struggle to move on.