Dear Carol,

I am so sorry you’re hurting so much. Your daughter seems a bit too extreme in her attempts to keep you out of her life:

This past year she told me not to contact her, don’t message, don’t call, don’t write or if I attempt she will call the authorities.

I mean, threatening to call the authorities is really extreme! But it seems she’s not in a very stable phase in her life, since she married someone whom she’s only known for 3 weeks:

My daughter was along for about a year but then out of the blue met someone and within 3 weeks they were married.

I don’t know what she is going through, but it seems like a turbulent time.

My daughter has said she has had issues with me, her mother, since she was about 13 but for the life of me I can’t figure out what it was nor will she tell me anything.

So she never told you what her issues are, only accused you? What happened in her (and your) life when she was 13? Was there some big change or trauma?

She also insisted if I ever wanted to see or talk to her again I would do whatever she insisted.

What did she tell you you should do if you wanted to meet her? Did she give some of her “conditions”?

I missed her birthday last year for the first time ever and this alienation hurts something awful. I find myself crying at odd times. I just don’t know how to get over this.

I can imagine this is really hard on you. Specially since it’s all a bit vague and you don’t know what she actually holds against you, right?

You can’t force her to stay in touch with you, you can only hope that she’ll have a change of heart and find her way back to you.

Until then, perhaps you can examine your own actions, and whether there was something you did or failed to do in regards to your daughter. 13 is the beginning of puberty, so perhaps she started feeling sensitive and you didn’t catch some of the changes in her?

Anyway, take good care of yourself. Examine your actions, but don’t blame yourself. And keep a vision for her to heal, so perhaps your relationship can heal too.