Dear Kiersten:

In your four threads, you shared that you are a 31-year-old woman, that you left Christianity a year ago, and you are now a Buddhist (interested in Zen Buddhism) who lives in a rural USA town, 60 miles away from the nearest Buddhist temples; a woman in need of spiritual guidance and a spiritual community that will compassionately accept your spiritual needs and disabilities (autism and “other serious physical and mental problems”). You have a Japanese Buddhist altar in your home and you regularly attend virtual meditation classes.

Your mother is and has been narcissistic and abusive, a woman “who shows no empathy or compassion” for you. You wish to end all contact with her, but she pays your rent and contact therefore is necessary.  You limit your contact with her to email and occasional phone calls only. You hope to attend college and secure a job for yourself sometime in the future, when your health stabilizes. When you are financially able to support yourself, then you will end contact with her.

You are thinking about leaving the US and living in another country where the cost of living is lower, where Christianity is not the norm,  and where a supportive, Buddhist spiritual community is available for you, perhaps in Japan.

Currently you do not have any friends or any type of support system, and you are  “unable to make and keep friends”.

You don’t trust people because you have “endured a lot of mental abuse from family, former friends, ex partners, and medical professionals… have trust issues with other people due to the emotional abuse… have had many people make promises and don’t keep them”.

My input today: I have been a regular, daily participant here, in these forums since May of 2015 (with a break of 6 months, Feb-Aug 2023). I am not a Buddhist (nor am I a Christian or a member of any other religion), but I believe in some Buddhist principles and I am still trying to live by then. I am inviting you to be my friend here, in the context of these forums. I will be empathetic and compassionate with you. If you respond to me, I will reply further. If you don’t respond to me- that’s okay with me because I would like you to feel comfortable with whatever choice you make. It is very important that you make your own choices whenever, wherever possible, and that you have a measure of peace of mind as you make your choices.

anita