Dear Anita,

I am going to respond to your reply tomorrow, for now I just wanted to give a journal entry update.

I don’t feel much better to be honest. I stuck through work all day, I went to the cycling class to attempt to gain a win. I definitely feel like hatchling is still rattled. It could be mixing with the fact I am on day 4 of my menstrual cycle?… not sure but I feel a little depressed. I am scared I won’t be able to sleep again and tomorrow will be worse. I tried to tire myself out to day though and I haven’t been able to sleep past 5 hours the past two nights so maybe tonight I will make up for it, I hope!

I feel pessimistic about my relationship with N again, and I feel confused with my back and forth feelings towards the relationship. But I am still scared to leave it because of the good and because I don’t know how much “bad” is even objectively real. It is weird tho, although I feel pessimistic, I also wish he was with me because I really feel like I need a hug, someone to sleep by me. But then is that Seaturtle being weak for hatchling? I want to be there for hatchling but I feel weak today. Today I had the thought while driving that I feel like I know myself less than I did before, but I want to see myself going the opposite direction and am struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. A bit overwhelmed still but hoping for a good sleep. I will talk to you again tomorrow,

Seaturtle and hatchling (perhaps separating the two is making me feel overwhelmed I have this weird desire right now to just bring them back as one, but I don’t want to lose progress)