Dear Anita,

“People are complex.. not much is simple and straightforward all the time. So, part of a conflicted person expresses itself at one time, another part expresses itself at another time.. Not because of deceit but because of complexity.”

This seems like it would be a good affirmation for me to have close by when I am treating N like a suspect.

“– When I read that N said that he loves that you are sensitive, I viewed it positively, as in him expressing that he loves you just the way you are.”

This feels nice to read, because it is my exact fear in reverse, that he doesn’t see or love the real me.

I’ll ask you: F actually doesn’t think things are really his fault, does he? – oh absolutely not…

“– I know that you did not read ANY of it wrong when it came to your Father. You are re-experiencing your father through N. It feels like it’s about N.. doesn’t it? That’s the nature of (inaccurate) projection, it feels real, it feels accurate.”

If I read it correctly before then why can’t I read it correctly now?

“When the part of you that believes your father … sides with the part of you who knows the truth… you will no longer project F into N.”

In order to do this do I need to remember all the times I believed him? My memory of exact moments are not very clear and I remember feelings much more. How do I do this, do I need to be around F to re-experience it and correctly label it?

“But notice this: he felt TWO genuine feelings at the same time (dislike of part of the costume and caring about your feelings). To authentically express one, he had to inhibit the other. This is what I mean by complexity.”

I appreciate you helping me to re-see the genuineness of N, I feel unfairly blinded from it.

With love

Seaturtle