Dear Matt

I am sorry that your first long term relationship has come apart. Most people use unskillful means to deal with issues and then those means become yet another issue that needs dealing with on top of the original problem. ie has social anxiety then uses alcohol as a relaxant to the extent that addiction eventually occurs.

Over the coming months it is to be expected that you see saw in your feelings, wants & needs and that is ok, you are going thru a  bereavement for the relationship that you had and your dreams & expectations of a future.

Do you know whether your ex would be open to couples counselling?

Instead of therapy being an either or situation solo versus couples maybe the two of you could embark on both?

I have used buddhist teachings and meditation to help me act more skillfully and in line with my core values.

After 15 years I am happier, more compassionate & open ( yes there are still times where I fall momentary into old habits) but they are fewer & less intensive but I am able to reassure myself gently & kindly unlike the harsh inner critic of the old days.

Wishing you the best,

Roberta