Dear Greenshade:

Welcome back to the forums! The first time we communicated was on June 21, 2016, and we communicated in most of your 40 threads, last time was on May 23, 2022.

“There are also things in my life that are exciting and I that I have worked to have. There are experiences I have had in the last year through work and friends that have been fulfilling, meaningful and fun. I have developed and grown as a person in so many ways. I am unrecognizable in how my confidence has changed, assertiveness, and in just being able to be able to relax and connect with others“-

– good to read all this, congratulations for your positive growth and development, for your confidence, assertiveness, and being able to relax and connect with others!!!

(I am adding the boldface feature to the quotes that follow): “All I want to do is curl up in my ex’s lap and have a good cry, but he isn’t here…  I just want to be with someone who I know and trust and feel safe with and miss so much… There were also problems in the relationship, we didn’t have clear communication, arguments were piling up… Even now, I know there’s too much hurt and anger in me and when I try to picture us trying to have a relationship I can only imagine it imploding. So in all ways, I know its not a possibility. But I still wake up missing him“-

– sometimes you felt safe/ trusting when interacting with your ex (in-person and long-distance) and that was comforting. You currently need comfort and you need the feeling of safety and trust, so you miss and long for those times when you felt safe, trusting and comforted with him.

In June 2019, you posted that you were back home, living with your parents after ten months abroad, having left your ex abroad. You shared that you trusted him, and that in the relationship with him,  you “felt healthy and happy, and loved”. You and your then boyfriend intended to “try to make things work, in spite of the distance”, but back home, you started doubting the relationship a lot,

You wrote back in June 2019: “I have fallen into the old role of my life revolving around my mum and my primary focus had shifted (from) building a happy, healthy life for myself.. to taking care of my parents and wanting to see my mom happy… My mum feels like my life.. going back to my life with my boyfriend.. feels far off and not real… I am definitely feeling like I had moved backward since coming home”.

4.5 years later (Dec 7, 2023), you shared: “I have also doubled my work hrs to be able to support mum post retirement“- you are a very dedicated daughter, a hard working, caring, sacrificial daughter.

“I would really appreciate your wisdom/advice/support“-

– again, congratulations to the growth you have achieved so far. May your focus and purpose in life shift more and more toward “building a happy, healthy life for (yourself)” (your words, June 2019). You deserve to be more significant in your own mind and to sacrifice your own life less and less.

anita