Dear Greenshade

I get where you are coming from, wanting the support and safe space from your ex.

My history was I fell in unrequited love as teenager& then a couple of decades later had a decade on off relationship with that first love. Then for the next decade  I would feel the urge/pull to be with him and about once a year we would be in each others company for a couple of hours. Just before I decided to remain celibate for life I wanted one last night with him as I wanted him to be the last person I was intimate with, but I realized that it would be unfair to both of us. Like you I live with my parents/parent I looked after mum with cancer now passed and my dad has dementia so I have an inkling into your sadness. It was the buddhist teachings on relationships that helped me get thrutough times & momements of weakening in my resolve not to take solace in unskillful things & relationships.

I wish you all the best and it will get easier, just hold on to your resolve to look after yourself both physically & emotionally.