Hi Anita,

Thank you so much for your lovely, lovely words. I can’t tell you how appreciative I am of your support. What a truly wonderful person you are.

We are still living together, and he has agreed to go to private therapy, which I have arranged for him. But our relationship is just in limbo. We are still sleeping in the same bed, which is probably counter productive. He will still cuddle me, and kiss me, albeit not often. He tells me he does really love me, and that he is so sorry for ever putting us in this position.

I am torn between loving him immensely and just wanting to be in his arms, and for him to get better and get in touch with his higher self, as I know he will be proud of the person he has become. But I am torn between this and hating him for the hurt he has caused me, and just not wanting to be around him.

I believe strongly that he engaged in an emotional affair with the coworker. She is not interested in him, but has been a shoulder for him to cry on. However, he has become emotionally dependent on her, and I feel just utterly betrayed.  Since this all came out, I’ve not been able to speak MY truth once about it.  It’s like he cannot deal with whatever I will say, so I am effectively suffering in silence.  As you said, I am walking on eggshells. Due to his depression and the severity of it, I am quite literally trying to ‘let go’ of how I FEEL about the whole thing, and push it to one side, so that he can focus on getting himself better. But I am only a human being, an extremely hurt human being, and I am struggling with being able to separate the two.

Should he get better, and decide he wants to make this work with me, I don’t know how I am going to get past it, because if he thinks he can just start trying to woo me back, and start paying attention to me, and thinking this will work, he is sorely mistaken and has no idea what sort of work he is going to have to put into this. He has broken my heart. No amount of love, affection or time is going to make up for this.