Dear Blazkwich:

First, I want to say that I am sorry for the heartbreak you are going through. Although this has been a short and turbulent relationship, you grew very attached to her and therefore, you have been suffering a lot. I hope that you will feel better and better soon enough.

Next, I will be re-reading your original post and the posts that followed, as well as the most recent, quoting from what you shared and typing away my thoughts about the quotes. This is what I normally do in threads I reply to.

(I am the one adding the boldface feature to the quotes): “My girlfriend of 5 months just broke up with me…  Our relationship started as long distance we didn’t meet a lot of times but we used to talk daily for hours whenever we had time… she would get depressed sometimes and stonewall me for 2-3 days… I gave her space again and then after a month of infrequent communication she left me… she broke up with me in the middle of her exams, she wasn’t in contact for like a week “-

– The five months relationship did not include a lot of meetings in-person, maybe only a few (?), and within these 5 months there were times of no communication for periods of 2-3 days to a week. This is a short (however long it may feel to you) and unstable relationship from the get go. Seems like the closeness, in terms of time spent together, was mostly in those hours long talks on the phone.

Let’s look at the nature and intensity of your emotional attachment to her, an attachment formed within those 5 months: “I even met her after her cat passed away and she constantly reassured me and talked about future plans”- this means that you were anxious about her ending the relationship and she reassured you that she was not ending the relationship, that there was a future to it.

” We had a fight and I kind of exploded because I was bottling up so many stuff“- there were a lot of distressing thoughts and emotions within you about this (objectively) very short relationship.

“The breakup is affecting me a lot but now I am genuinely concerned for her health because I feel at this rate she will just continue to ruin her health…  she just doesn’t seem like herself anymore ever since the passing and I am unable to see her in this state…  the thought that she can do something harmful scares me..  no, this is the first time she got drunk… I don’t think she’s suicidal but these things can harm her in other ways. Am I being too concerned here?.. ever since the breakup I am unable to sleep or do any tasks“-

– Seems like there are no objective reasons to be concerned for her health since she has no history or pattern of alcohol or drug abuse, does not experience suicidal thoughts that you are aware of,  and she is busy being a student (as opposed to being idle, doing nothing). Seems like you are projecting your experience into her: that it is you who are in this state, that you don’t seem like himself, and that it is your health may be ruined if you continue to suffer from lack of sleep and motivation in every day tasks.

Blazkwich, did you hear or read about Attachment Styles, particularly the anxious attachment style? There is a lot of online information about it as well as books and workbooks aimed to educate and help individuals with this attachment style. Here is just a bit about it from psychology today: “The anxious attachment style is always concerned about the stability or security of the relationship. People with this attachment style tend to agonize over the meaning of words or actions by a partner. They read negatives into otherwise neutral or positive interactions. They also tend to crave constant reassurance that the relationship is secure, and the affection and love are still present”- any of this reads familiar to you, as far as your experience in romantic relationships?

anita