this is you beating yourself up.

I can’t not beat myself up. I made a huge mistake. It changed my whole life. I do not have a life during a week. I only have work and sleep. I even eat while stressed because my dinner is when I start work hours and usually some people email me already. I start eating and stop and go check my computer and come back to eat and again go check my computer.

I ruined my own life.

this is your alone/ isolated feeling inside you that follows you wherever you go, sometimes more in certain places and situations than in others, but it’s always there, isn’t it?

Yes. I am afraid so

you need a positive distraction right now, a walk outside or a hot bath

all I do everyday is sit in my room in front of my computer. I am too tired in the morning and then I can’t leave till 10pm. I do not feel good.

I am guessing that’s the coworker honest opinion about the team and management.

yes, turned out we have different views on those things. He loves the management and loves this work. I hate those people and hate this work.

like I always say, when we have very difficult childhoods, our negative childhood/ internal experience keeps following us.. wherever we go, and we feel the same. It  takes heavy-duty emotional healing to experience life differently.

Anita, so you’re saying it’s just my perception of this job? that it’s not that bad?