Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your post! I’ve just got off the phone with my mother right now and my brain is a little fried. I’m a little foggy after intense conversations so I’m struggling a little to write something comprehensive. I’ve just read your last post and it does sound familiar what you’ve described. Also my girlfriend told me a couple of times that in her eyes, my parents seem to want to keep me financially tied to them. It very often crossed my mind that the way they always offered to support me financially and very often I’ve felt like they wouldn’t really want me to move on and be independent financially from them. Of course, I believe they do, on a conscious level want to me be financially independent. But at times I also thought that there might be some strange dynamics connected to their offering of financial support. Very often I’ve heard from them ( actually my mother mostly ) things like: ” please don’t forget us ” , ” keep calling us ” , ” don’t live us ”.  ” We are your parents and we do everything for you ”. ” You can always rely on us ”.  Me being financially supported by them does keep us connected – so I see indeed a good reason there to keep the status quo. To be honest, not much else has been given throughout the years. Not much emotional support, authentic attention, the space needed to be heard by them. I’ve been mostly given financial support. It doesn’t surprise me that even now, the things haven’t changed.

However, when it comes to my part, I don’t know. Do I want to put myself into situations where I get their attention? Since there wasn’t much else they were able to give to me in the past, it is possible that the closest thing to receiving their attention could mean their financial support – them giving me money. But I don’t really feel it. I don’t know! I’d have to really pay attention to this, this is very important. I felt good and accomplished when I was financially independent,  and I didn’t feel like I missed or needed their financial support. It felt good knowing it’s there if I needed it.

I will think about this, It’s been on my mind too. Thank you so much, Anita!

My main objective now is to head back to Spain and find stability. I’ll have an online interview on Friday with a language school from Spain, I’ve sent quite a few applications. I feel uncomfortable now being financially supported still by my parents, and also my future moving to Spain will also be supported by them. Sadly right now I don’t have any other source of income. In Poland I didn’t manage to find a job. I also don’t want to live here anymore, it doesn’t make any sense to me. I hope next month I’ll get to Spain and start working. I hope to use my parents financial help for as little as possible and become financially independent again as soon as possible. What do you think of this? To me right now this seems to be the best option, although not ideal. But I don’t want to live here in Poland and I also don’t want to move back with my parents.

Thank you so much! I hope you’re having a good evening! ( or day, probably where you are 🙂 )  It’s 10 pm here!

Take good care,

Robbie