No one can give you advice on how to live your life without you having that person to blame for anything to go wrong. Never taking responsibility for your own actions. Regret? Always regret for not having taken the road not chosen. For not doing better. For making the last choice. Looking back means going back. If things were to going good then it would have continued. If things were going bad but have taken a turn for the better then it would have. It didn’t. You are going to have to decide and follow with actions. I give no advice and I give no comfort for your situation. Everyone has their own situations and choices to make. And the only thing one can count on is that everything changes over time. Which ever path you choose, I wish you luck.