Dear Arctic07:

You shared that you are good in literature, well: it shows in your writing. I read with much interest, and wanted to read more and more, wanting to know what’s next. You write so well, like a good romance novelist, I imagine. (I imagine because I don’t remember ever reading a romance novel).  And your writing is honest, intelligent and believable.. not flowery and or unintelligent.

At the end of your story/ original post, you wrote: “I know that my story screams upon itself that I should have left him long ago but here I am hellbent on self destruction through love“-

– what interesting, original combinations of words (in my experience): “my story screams upon itself“, “self destruction through love“, I am positively impressed!

Now, what does a young woman as intelligent, original and talented as you, and one who values marriage, doing begging a guy for anything, let alone for a situationship, as you have done… (I ask myself).

The answer may be in the only part of your story that you placed in parenthesis:  “(I had some issues in my family like I had childhood trauma of an unhappy home because of fights quarrels amongst family members to an extent that to me there was nothing known as a happy home )“.

Perhaps within your quarrelsome family, you placed yourself in parenthesis, figuratively, taking on the role of someone less important, someone who is quiet, obedient, pleasing, assisting and accommodating to others, while your quarrelsome family members were loud, rebellious, forceful.

Maybe this habit carried on to your first romantic relationship (I am adding the boldface feature to the following quote): “I…  obey him practically worship him like he is some sort of god… I put him on the highest pedestal I could find… I cared for him more than I ever cared for me. In my mind I was his dutiful wife who was meant to please him , assist him in whatever he wanted”.

I hope to read your thoughts about what I posted here, and would very much like to communicate with you. Maybe, just maybe, our communication can help you, so that you can “Move on“.

anita