Hi Roberta,

Thank you for your advice. but I still feel like she is in the gray lines between Red flag and Neutral flag. Though her actions may be out of stupidity but should I really blame her for what her own family put her through? She said that she hid it from me for a year because she was healing from the trauma herself. But the thing she forgot was that as her future husband, I would have done anything I could to help her heal and it would have been easier for me to heal as well because at least I know I can trust her. But hiding it has made me question what else she is lying about or hiding. Besides, I cannot be blind to all the good things about her. The way she took care of me was on par with my own mother. Cooking for me, getting me facial hygiene products, taking care of my hair, giving me massages and etc. Of course I treated her well to the best of my ability too. I stood by her in all of her struggles, helping her through her classes and helping her financially. As a med student, I don’t have time to go work a part time job so all i have is the money i saved up working over the years of my youth so I would even starve myself to ensure that she does not starve. I also noticed that despite all of this happening, she did not cut her ties with her aunt until she confessed what happened to me. Did it not register in her head what a horrible person her aunt is? Is she still that stupid? Her parents did not take care of her well and so it was her aunt who actually took care of her so that would explain why she is so stupid. But even then, I always told her that if she is unsure, she could ask me for any advice as my father’s wisdom was passed down to me over the years that he taught me.

I am not the type to let my one experience cause me to direct the hate to someone else. If I ever decide to go into another relationship, I will still continue to be a loyal and caring boyfriend, but I really don’t feel like going through this drama again. My father taught me to love one person and only one person. I grew up with that belief. Now its very difficult for me to detach myself, especially knowing all the good things about her, I know that it is very difficult to find someone like her again, despite all the red flags. The women these days are becoming more entitled and feministic. They are not wife material (I am speaking generally so no offense to any female reading this). And the same applies to the men too as they are becoming more of an ass (forgive my language). She was a good companion to me, but the decisions she made of her own stupidity is deteriorating my mental health. I have not slept properly in months. Should I give her another chance? She says that she understands her mistakes, especially the one where she would not listen to me because her own friends started behaving to her the same way that she behaved to me so she basically got hit by karma and she is promising to change. Idk what to do. I want what is best for her but I do not think I can ever go back to being a normal relationship with her and that will cause us to divorce if we ever get married, which I do not want. She says I will heal from the trauma of what she did but I don’t see any progress.

I admit that our relationship started too quickly but she proved that she was wife material (excluding her stupid antics). All her previous boyfriends treated her poorly anyway as they all cheated on her, so I was the first boyfriend to treat her properly. But its amazing how someone who has experienced the pain of being cheated on be able to do the cheating and hurt someone else.