Dear IMBACK:

Welcome back!

“I’m pretty sure she has BPD, because her mom has it and she have been exposed for it the last 18 years. She fits every description there is of BPD“- it so happens that my mother fit the criteria for BPD, and I have been diagnosed with it myself (following many years of purposeful healing, I no longer fit the criteria). BPD is like the kiss of death when it comes to close relationships. It is simply impossible for intimacy/ emotional closeness to survive the unpredictable, explosive behaviors of the BPD person. You walk on eggshells around them. Fear takes over where love used to be.

“I get the feeling that I have to act a certain way. Like a mirror of hers. I have to find things funny that she finds funny. It actually feels like going to jail when I’m with her… I have become someone I am not…  I have lost myself and I’m still not happy at all… I don’t enjoy her company anymore. She reminds me of negative things“- this is how I felt as a child and a teenager growing up with my mother. I was focused on her and lost myself. It felt like being in jail, not having the SPACE to be me, to have my own thoughts, feelings. She (my mother) took over all of my space. It was torture. Like you, I was not happy at all, didn’t enjoy her company. The very sight of her, her voice.. the touch of her hand, it all got infected with bad memories, bad feelings.

“I want to fight for this relationship“- you can fight, but for as long as she fits the BPD diagnosis, you will lose the fight. Maybe she’d be willing to see a professional for an evaluation and treatment…?

anita