Helcat–

Thank you for the response 🙂  To put it mildly, I’ve never had a connection with a person like this before.  I felt like I had to over do it so she wouldn’t lose interest.  I felt like I had to move quickly so that I wouldn’t lose her.  There was no reason for these feelings, other than desire and want.  Neither one of us was going anywhere, but I pushed to hard.  The fact I realize that now makes me sad, because this whole situation could have been avoided.

The reason that this relationship means so much is because of how open and vulnerable I was, without hesitation from me or judgement from her.  I’ve never experienced that before.  I’ve been working alot with my therapist to get to the root cause of these issues I have, and we’ve been pretty successful so far, but I’m just afraid it’s too late.  Other issues in my life have complicated the matter as well, but at the end of the day I screwed up, and now I’ve been scrambling trying to make up for it, and probably just making it worse.

Ugh.  I mean, it’s frustrating because of the self immolation that I constantly practice in my life.  I’m just trying to practice my patience and calmness.  I’m doing okay, but just so mixed up emotionally about this.