Dear Laven:

Again, I hope that you are feeling better, or soon will.

Having read your four posts in 3 threads, I am summarizing what you shared (with boldfaced quotes) in regard to your relationship with your close- proximity neighbor (from your house, you can see what is happening inside his house):

During the relationship, he expressed  to you that he thinks that you are “a nice person whose morals and virtues align with his, that he wants to eventually marry and start a family with“.

He wanted your company and hugs: “he’s always asking to spend more time with me…even if it’s a quick hug… We use to talk daily multiple times. Both initiated“.

But there was a pattern of disagreements and arguments between the two of you, with him apologizing after each disagreement: “When we would have disagreements sometimes, and would stop communicating for a few days.. due to differences of opinions… but he always ventured back to me often apologizing… when we got into disagreements and arguments, he was always apologizing profusely, telling me that he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. Begging me to stay. Ringing my phone a lot“.

He told you “that we never have to do anything that I don’t want to do. He’s never pressured me into having sex“. Sex happened twice in the relationship. The 1st time was six months ago, after which he ghosted you for 2 weeks, then apologized and “said that it was due to him feeling insecure and questioning his size, performance, and capabilities“, and he questioned you if you had been satisfied.

Following the reunion, there was no sexual activity for 5.5 months. At one point, you thought that you saw him with another woman, making out in his house, and he swore “that there are no other women“. But  during the visit before last with him, he told you that “he didn’t think it would work out between us and was pursuing other women on social media.. and was going to focus on that“.

Later on the same day (visit before last) he begged you “to forgive him and told me he was just saying that to make me jealous,  and to see if I was really interested and cared about him. That he felt uncared for by me. He said now that he knew how I felt, he wanted to make plans to spend the rest of our lives together.  That I was the only one for him“.

On the last visit you had with him, “we decided to have sex…and afterwards we talked a bit before him leaving. Before he left he swore he would call and see me the next day, told me he loved me.. and kissed me. I told him that we had to learn how to better communicate with one another, and not put  much space between us when there are disagreements…

“He agreed, and apologized profusely saying that he wouldn’t disappear anymore. That he often has trouble expressing his emotions. That he wouldn’t do that anymore. That he really loves and cares for me“, and that was the last communication you had with him.

“I feel like he fetishized me, and used me to experience someone from a different culture, country, and disabled.. who’s convenient and lonely. All the women he follows on social media (before I blocked him) are of the same culture as him, big boobs, in shape, feminine, nicely styled, head full of hair, nice clothes, nice teeth etc.… polar opposites of me. Maybe if I looked like them, and had an actual engaging life, he wouldn’t have dropped me“-

– I often feel better when I get a better understanding of situations that trouble me. Maybe a better understanding will help you to feel better..?

From what you shared, which I took a couple of hours to process this morning, it reads like he’s been sexually insecure, feeling sexually incompetent, and his interest in you from the very beginning and throughout the relationship was not sexual. So, I don’t see how you’d be a sexual fetish in his mind. I also don’t see how he’d be chasing “big boobs”, etc., when sex does not seem to be something he pursues..?

What I do see as the primary problem, possibly, is the pattern of disagreements and arguments between the two of you, followed by a cessation of communication, followed by him apologizing to you.

“when we got into disagreements and arguments, he was always apologizing profusely, telling me that he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. Begging me to stay. Ringing my phone a lot“- seems like following the disagreements and arguing, maybe you threatened to leave him, and that’s why he begged you to stay, ringing your phone a lot..?

anita