Continued:

Grieving not having what I needed so desperately, a mother. No longer trying to get that which  didn’t get in all the covert ways I tried. No longer trying to get that person to be my mother by rearranging my thoughts so to avoid her rage (as if I was speaking my thoughts out loud and she could hear me).

No longer being drawn to people like that person: people who are angry or about to get angry at any time, dominating, rude people, and trying to please them (submitting, going belly up, so to speak), so to win the approval of that person by proxy of other, similar people.

anita