Hi Anita,

ive seen a psychologist once since we “broke up” it did help me feel a whole lot better about the way I was feeling, my psychologist told me that she thinks because I’m used to all the men being in and out of my life and not completely there that I am trying to run away from my relationship because of a fear of being left alone. My boyfriend and I broke up for about a week and a half, I have been trying my best to push the overthinking and anxiety to the side and focus on how happy he makes me, but the anxiety and o bad thoughts are still constant. I have been refraining from bringing these up with him and only mentioning it here and there because I do not want to worry him and upset him anymore. For the past couple of days I have just been bottling it up and letting these bad thoughts spiral, I’ve spent every waking hour questioning if the relationship is right and if I truly do love him, I’m finding it really hard to look at him and feel in love like I used to and it’s breaking my heart. I don’t want to give up on him and I again, he is a beautiful man and he wants me to be the best version of myself as I do him. I found during the time we were apart that I had this constant fear that I was no bodied first choice anymore and I felt so alone and absolutely devastated, which now makes me worry that am I with him because I love not being alone? Because I love the attention and being someone’s first choice? Do I not actually love him? It’s been debilitating and I am in this constant anxious state. I have another psychologist appointment coming up and many more to come after that one, but the time between appointments feels so long and I feel very alone with my thoughts all the time. It’s like this horrible feeling that the world is closing in around me and I won’t ever feel happy again like I used to. I don’t want to break up with him again even though there are thoughts in my head telling me to, and to just run away and figure it all out on my own but the thought of that makes me feel sick. The pushing him away and pulling him in has been really hard for him and I hate that I’m doing this to him, I just want to feel the way I used to and love him the way that he deserves.

Bell