Sorry I started to fall asleep towards the end there. Didn’t really finish my thoughts.

The problem isn’t really the ADHD, it is the depression. When she wasn’t depressed you got on fine? Over time, if she works on her depression she would theoretically return back to her old behaviour. But this isn’t a quick or easy process to recover from her depression, so her current behaviour will persist for a while. It’s not something that she can just turn on and off.

It sounds like you went to your friend with this problem expecting empathy and for her to want to work on the friendship. This is a healthy expectation. Instead what you got is “It’s not my fault. You’re being mean to me for not accepting me the way that I am. I’m hurt.”. You got a lot of misplaced blame for your natural feelings. Your friend has natural and acceptable feelings too. They do make sense because it is a painful and sensitive topic for her. But it isn’t your fault. You are a kind person and I think you would have more empathy for her situation if she had shown you empathy and not blamed you. For both of you right now, it can be difficult to show someone empathy when you are feeling defensive. What do you think?

You deserve empathy from your friend as much as she deserves empathy from you. Your intention has been to try and resolve difficulties in the relationship. You inadvertently stepped on a land mine (a trigger for her) in the process. You didn’t know it was there, that she would react in this way. It is a lot to take in and process when your relationship has already been suffering.