Thank you, Alex. I appreciate your comments and perspective. You are correct about her sex drive not being the same anymore but she still enjoys sex very much. This is an outlier as a person at least for someone like me who has been married twice so I’ve had very few partners in life. She lost her virginity at 14 which I find a little disturbing and then had 1-2 year relationships with several men till now so that math makes my head spin. This is a very sexual person in the sense the type of sex she enjoys and talks about having enjoyed in the past, is very outside the comfort zone of most people like me. She likes to have no control, she likes to be hurt, she has very dark and some even illegal fantasies she likes to act out. My point is, this is a very sexual person. On top of that, her work is in the porn industry (not in front of the camera though). She has been writing and directing porn for 20 years. Again, very sexual person who’s had very diverse and vast amount of sexual exposure. It took me some time to get over all of that because maybe I felt very insecure at the get go because I felt I don’t stack up, I haven’t been around as much.

I have two dilemas. One, was there a need for me to know all these details about how many guys and how much sex and the quality of sex she’s had when I was very clear about boundaries and that this makes me uncomfortable? Two, I am supportive of the menopause and the changes and I go to her doctors with her including her mammogram, Pap smear and everything. We are invested in each other deeply and care about our health and our emotions for each other. We want to stay together forever or a long time and maybe even get married. I wish she would tell me what ‘great sex’ means to her so we could at least try to replicate it. Maybe we will fail because of our age and our current bodies. But the content reference to ‘I’ve had so much and it was so great’ implies to me that she is not willing to even give us a chance. After all, I’m only asking for a normal holistic relationship that includes an emotional, physical and intellectual connection. If you deliberately remove one of the components because you’ve had enough of it and don’t care about it anymore, at least stop talking about your past and / or ask your partner if they’ve had enough of it and do they have an unmet need. The relationship is so great overall that I wish I was never introduced to all this info and even now if she promises to stop talking about it, I don’t care how great or non-great our sex lives are. We love each other and care for each other very deeply and I have no complaints about our sex life. I worry that she won’t stop talking about her past because maybe she is using it to have control over the relationship or has some sadism or narcissistic tendencies. I would never introduce any information into her headspace that would trouble her or make her anxious.