Ciao SereneWolf 🙂

Haha I think even little caffeine should work. Too much caffeine isn’t good for the person who isn’t consuming caffeine daily. Don’t you think?

Yeah I guess so. But still, I’d go for a cappuccino instead of a latte, just to be sure that the wake-up effect is there 🙂

Spartan Upbringing I like the words you used. So that makes us warriors? I guess so lol

Actually, upon thinking about it, I wasn’t raised to be a warrior. I was raised to fear everything. And to stay by my mother’s side, where I was supposedly “safe”. Not to try anything new, not to experiment, because I might hurt myself… And so, that’s what I’ve learned – to fear and procrastinate.

So Spartan wasn’t a good choice of words in my case, because it definitely didn’t teach me to be a fearless warrior – quite the opposite. But I meant Spartan in terms of no empathy.

It seems that you were quite different though, because you did even dangerous things, without fear, or in spite of fear. Fear (of adventure, exploration, of trying out new things, of living on your own at 16) didn’t stop you. So in that sense, I think you can be called a fearless warrior 🙂

 It’s like putting hands on your eyes and then tell others that you’re blind.

Actually, she doesn’t think she is blind. She believes she sees things correctly and that she knows better (about life and everything that matters).

And the another thing is that if she thought that she wasn’t good enough daughter, didn’t she thought that now I have my own daughter I should raise her right that so she would feel good enough?

Well, she believes she wasn’t “perfect” enough, since she didn’t fulfill her parents’ expectations fully, or she did, but with a delay. And she was chastising herself all her life for that supposed “failure”, which wasn’t a failure at all. But still, she could never forgive herself for her supposed mistakes. And maybe because of that, she raised me with this pressure to be perfect, to not make mistakes. And she would chastise me for even the smallest mistake. I was never good enough for her.

And Yeah he’s big on relationships. Business and personal both. I also admire my aunt. Their love is really awesome. They studied together and then dated for like over 7 years they already decided that they want to get married and just before 2 months of the engagement he had a bad accident and he lost his leg (now he has a artificial leg and he walks fine). So my aunt’s parents said we don’t want this wedding to happen. But my aunt was firm and she said that no matter what happens I’m going to marry him. And against her parents’ decision she married to him which is quite a big thing for a woman here. And her own parents didn’t talked to her for over 3 years.

Wow, what a story! It’s a testament of true love, and how much your aunt loved him, because she chose to stay with him even after he became partially disabled. And in spite of her parents’ disapproval. So yeah, that’s true love. And I guess when she made her choice, her love was stronger than the fear about the future and how they’ll make it with his disability etc. So, love conquered fear… Inspiring!

About healing the issues. Here’s the fun part. She’s on therapy for over 4 years

Oops.. then her therapy doesn’t seem to be working too well?

No. I think you’re misunderstanding. First thing is that I don’t even count her as my love interest.

Okay, glad to hear that. Because you said you were eagerly awaiting her texts and you get excited to receive them, even if you didn’t like it:

I’m kinda enjoying talking with her though. Like sometimes I’m literally waiting for her texts. I don’t like this feeling. I don’t want to get attached to her.

But one thing is that yearning for is growing and I don’t like it. The more I try to resist it the more it’s growing.

So I thought that even though you don’t like becoming attached to her, that it’s still happening…

Another thing is that I never even had a friend who smokes and drinks that much they lose their senses. So I get really worried like what if something happens to her?

Okay, so you are becoming attached to her as a friend then. What is she doing when she gets drunk? Is she in real danger, or she is just sitting at home, sending you “horny” texts? (you said she gets “horny drunk“)

Hmm really? Because it’s been a while, I didn’t even had proper interaction with the woman. Including the latest one I only talked to her over the phone and texting.

Well, people fall in love even if they’ve never met the person irl (don’t forget, it happened to you too!) So the fact that you’ve never met her in person doesn’t mean anything. Btw, I thought that your first meeting, when you talked till 2 am, was in person. But it wasn’t?

I stopped comparing a while ago and I don’t see her as better or worse than me.

That’s good. But you can still have discernment, because if a girl drinks to the point of losing her senses, that’s not something you need to tolerate and accept. It’s okay to have some boundaries and some expectations.

And I’m not sure about pattern either because for pattern I need to actually go out and date someone don’t you think so? I’m getting bored of phone and texting.

As I said, we can build a strong attachment with someone based on only online/phone interaction. But I agree that if you want to date someone, it would be good to at least meet them in person once or a few times. And if the circumstances are such that you live in different cities, then LDR might be an option for a while. But even then, meeting regularly, e.g. once per month, would be better than not meeting for months on end.

Ohh no no I think I’m really craving a caring and empathic woman, Even in a romantic sense, If you remember I felt like I had a feeling that I want someone to baby me.

You crave for a caring and empathic woman, but when you meet one (e.g. the doctor), you let her go. So one part of you might be craving, but the other part of you is fearing it.

And it’s not like they move on, But it’s obvious thing that they’re gonna spend more time with their partners and then talk to me about what they did. Because that’s what friends do?

Yes, sure, it’s normal they spend less time with you once they find a boyfriend. However, you said you feel abandoned when this happens. So I was referring to that sense of abandonment – like you had some emotional intimacy (appropriate for a friend), which you liked. And you miss it when it’s gone. But at the same time, you’re afraid of deeper emotional intimacy – which is appropriate for a romantic relationship. So, some emotional intimacy is fine, but a lot – not fine.

I do get attracted a women capable of emotional intimacy. But that part is true that I do fear the emotional intimacy.

Okay, I think this is what’s happening: you do get attracted to such women (although to be fair, it was the doctor who asked you on a date, not vice versa). But you eventually reject them. Because of your fear.

No the thing is when I fall in love, I get obsessed and all in, that’s why I always try to control myself not get attached. Like I said I need to learn slow and soft love. Not hard and fast.

You didn’t get obsessed about the doctor, did you? She even tried to “blackmail” you by telling you she is considering going back to her ex (who wanted them to try again), since you weren’t too passionate about her. And you weren’t too upset about it. You said do what you think is right. So it seems to me you didn’t get attached to the doctor (who was/is a woman capable of emotional intimacy).

But you did get attached to your LDR, who was a troubled girl, and whom you tried to change…

So it still seems to me that you get attached to a certain type of girl (who is lacking in some manner), but not to a different type – who is quite balanced and capable of emotional intimacy.

Lmao! You’re making it sound spicy! But yeah I’m aware it’s an escape. But with a ray of hope. What if during my journey I meet someone who is really able to touch my heart and able to break down the walls in my heart? Or is that too much hopeful thing to think?

I replied to that in my previous post… about who is the single person that can break down the walls around your heart…