Dear Anita,

What a week this has been! I’m about to board the plane, sitting with my bags and my longboard. I like airports when they’re not too packed. All those distant beeps in the background, fragments of all languages. Everyone going somewhere – some for longer some for a bit. I don’t know which one am I. I just know I’m doing what I think its the right thing to do. My girlfriend has been here for a week, we talked a lot about things and we spent some nice time here on holiday. It is a holiday resort more than anything else. I decided to go to Warsaw and try to find work. We might still come here to live together but better if we do it the right way – coming here together having some money aside and ( me ) not relying on my parents support. I’ve already applied to some jobs there and had an interview ( might have the second and final one.. still don’t know ).

Almost 2 weeks ago during a phone call with my parents, I told them I’m considering moving back to Warsaw. I told them I don’t feel good here on my own and I would rather be closer to my girlfriend. Right away they bombarded me with disapproval – they told me I shouldn’t go back there because while I was there I didn’t like it and I kept complaining about it. Also they kept repeating it should be my girlfriend who will have to sacrifice this time and not me. ( again ). They told me she is probably trying to manipulate me into going back there so she doesn’t have to leave. I didn’t like what they said and I told them I will do as I feel. It was such a draining conversation..I wasn’t able to say much.. I was just listening to a couple of sentences repeating for half an hour. I was already very tired both physically and mentally.. emotionally too. I was happy at least I’ve told them and I ”broke the ice” so to speak. I expected them to react this way, I told you. A few days later my dad wrote to me – he said he’s been thinking of me and he supports me, that everything will fall into place and I should stay positive.

Since then, I’ve only texted my dad once on Friday, telling him I’ve decided to go to Warsaw and I’ve already had an interview for a job and a couple more prospects. Also, I told him I might go to Romania for a couple weeks before I start working in Warsaw. He replied to me quickly, asking me about the job I’ve found. Quickly after my reply he said that when he said he supports me he meant that he supports me staying in Spain and not to go back to Warsaw ( a place he helped me leave from – financially of course ). I was surprised to hear such words from him.. and not a work about me possibly going to Romania for a bit – I thought they might be happy to see me after a few months of not much contact. I told him that then, he shouldn’t support me. I didn’t know what else to say to that.. really.

I see the price of all that support I’ve received.

I have no idea how things will play out… I’m heading towards Warsaw with some money in my pocket but not that much. In a way I feel kinda homeless.. if I run out of money I wouldn’t be able to contribute to the food and bills in my girlfriend’s flat.. her mother’s actually. It’s all very stressful.. I know being there won’t be easy either.. but being here crashing with an almost stranger didn’t really support our goals.. I don’t think so. Right now I don’t know what comes next. Well.. we never really do anyways.. but I’d like my map to show a little further. These days I’ve felt so tired I just wanted to take a break, to rest.. not to think of anything at all. I couldn’t really.. but I’m hoping the next days I could relax a little bit.

When I came here 3 months ago I did not expect this outcome at all. I just don’t see the lesson of this chapter. ( yet )

At this point I’m so sleepy I couldn’t focus on typing anymore.. I slept very little and all the packing and organising took the best out of me. Later on today I’ll be back in Warsaw meeting my girlfriend.. starting again.. or continuing. In the mean time I could enjoy some time on my own.. just strolling around the airport.. maybe listening to a podcast 🙂

Thank you for reading Anita, I hope you are doing fine! 🙂

Robi