Hi Beni,

happy to hear from you! Yeah it’s been a long time, but I am glad you’re fine, both your back and that you bought a new laptop 🙂

My back seems to be alright. I don’t really understand it sure it’s there I think i couldn’t do a full time construction job.

Really happy to hear this! That means you don’t even feel it for the most part, right? Are you still skating? And yeah, better not try full-time construction job, because that would for sure aggravate it.

My back is a little better too, thank God. But now my knee problem got reactivated, after having been dormant for 1.5 years (since my back injury). I hope it stays manageable and doesn’t escalate, specially now, before the summer holidays.

Wow, you make a big effort to put all the things together. … It touches me and at the same time feels far away from this moment.

I often felt like this is made up and I’m in a way justifying something I should rather confront. While I’m replying I had an encounter with my mom and I see it quite clear that it’s real.

Thank you, and you are welcome! It seems that at the time you started writing your reply, the explanation I offered sounded plausible, but you couldn’t feel it “in your bones”, so to speak. It felt emotionally distant, right? As if it didn’t affect you?

But then, as you were writing your reply, you had an encounter with your mother, and then you felt it emotionally? You felt the emotional dynamic between you and your mother, and that it is real. That it’s not just some theory that doesn’t apply to you. Am I guessing this right?

I think this pretty much hits the nail on the head. Thank you for writing it up.

You are welcome. And I am glad that you feel it’s more or less true for you.

By not expressing myself I protect my Mom from worrying or meet her need for control.

Can you give me an example of something you’d like to express to her, but you worry that she will worry and will try to talk you out of it? (and thus control you)?

If she makes a request and I’m not shure that it’s selfless I can’t do it.

Can you give me an example of a request she makes on you, which you deem as not selfless, and then you can’t do it?

Only if you’d like to share, of course…