Hi all

Thanks

I am glad to make this a semi-private journal, I feel quite safe here, sharing with you while remain mostly anoynomous.

Last night I called my friend who learned somatic experiencing technique. She guided me a bit which helped me feel more grounded.

She said I actually had good inner intelligence, it suddenly occured to me that I have my own flow when it comes to healing myself. Knowing the first week is tough and I let my emotions out, let the physically part(crying, sighing) be in sync with my emotion(frustration/ disappointment/ scared). And I know i had to stop somewhere, to pull mself up and stand on my feet, that is when I looked for ways to help mself such as to meditate and do aerobic exercise as Anita suggested. I did manage to had a brisk walk in the gym and meditated even after my big cry, which in retrospect, I am proud of. Proud of myself for trying hard during the challenging time.

I will definitely remember to be kind and empathetic to myself and to my partner. In fact these days when I had negative thoughts,  I remembered this and i tried to think of her good. this helps lift me up. But sometime I would be scared to not think of the worst, and I am not prepared for the bad things to happen(she breaks up with me/ she lied to me), then I would have not been prepared for this. It’s so hard to find the balance, to be positive yet expects the worst.

This morning I went volunteer, I learned some sign languages and I visisted people with deaf and hearing impaired. I occured to me that my problem could actually be very small, if I let it shrink and not keep feeding it. There is this woman who is only 2 years older than me, who is suffering from mental problem, jobless, and her mother is the only person who takes care of her 24/7, scared that if she didn’t keep an eye out for her she would go out and get lost(the woman did get lost one time and spent 3 days 2 nights unable to find her way back home). This is a single parent family and they are the only person for each other.

Today I also did some shopping, my other friend said maintaining a relationship includes taking care of yourself(mentally/ physically/ outlook), I went to buy some nice new clothes which I had been sooo lazy to do. I lost the motivation to make myself look better(outlook wise), in a way I feel this is true also, if you don’t think yourself is beautiful, how would anyone think this way?

Will post again, have a good morning on your side

Chau