Dear Anita,

Thank you again for your help !

My trip went well, thank you.

Yes, focusing on the positive helps greatly. Also, I notice that when I am too busy hanging out with my new friends and meeting new people, I am less bothered by the fact that our friendship is less strong.

“it seems like you feel somewhat responsible for your friend shifting priorities away from you, as if you are guilty for the weakening of the friendship. The self-doubt is something like this: did she move away from me because of her new relationship or because I was too much (high maintenance), or because I moved away from her first/ too soon?”

Indeed, I wonder if I am not partly responsable :

Even if it sounds strange, I sometimes gaslight myself into thinking that maybe this kind of ebb is normal, expected and I should just accept the changes, maybe I am the one who’s too “high maintenance” :

I am perfectly able to understand that a romantic relationship is very important, and I am okay with spending less time with her ! But I never thought the change would be so drastic. I was hoping we would remain close even if she found a boyfriend.

A part of me wonders if my expectations were unrealistic, hence the “too high maintenance”.

At the same time, yes, I wonder if I haven’t moved away from her too soon. I sometimes think that she did nothing wrong, maybe those changes we are facing are normal etc …

Then, the logical part of my brain intervenes and I am reminded of how many times she “forgot” to answer my texts, the fact that I have never been introduced to her boyfriend etc …

I guess I still feel guilty from time to time. For instance, last year, she was among the first person I informed whenever something important happened in my life (a promotion etc …). She did the same.

Now, I don’t share these informations about her anymore and neither does she.

The conversation we had yesterday was dull.

We briefly talked, she finally inquired about my career, I asked about hers as well and she informed me that she was accepted to the course she applied to. She got the news 3 weeks ago.

Last year, she would have informed me right away !  And we would have hung out to celebrate !

Thank you so much for your help !