Hi Clara

The advice that follows is for your current choice of requesting communication.

I know all of this hurts so much and you have been trying so hard to stay positive to stay strong and get through it.

Right now you need to compose yourself before sending any messages.

If she is okay with talking that might be helpful. Don’t panic. Ideas born of panic are not good. Try asking without an ultimatum. Ultimatums damage relationships. Try being vulnerable, as uncomfortable as it is people respond to vulnerability. Being defensive only causes a further rift between you and your partner.

A suggestion for if she says yes to contact. Focus on positive communication – this means nothing negative about the relationship. She asked for space and time to heal from the negativity. I think that you also need that too.

If she says no. Then you can decide what you want to do moving forward. Be respectful about it.

Being scared about what is going to happen next has only caused negativity and further damaged the relationship. Rumination does not protect you or make things easier, it causes pain and increases anxiety. Rumination is the enemy.

For all of your concerns and everything that has been said your partner hasn’t ended the relationship. When you are afraid, focus on that. Reflect on your memories of your long relationship together. Practice reassuring yourself.

And to balance it out, reassure yourself that you will be okay and cope no matter what happens. Breathe! You got this.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏