I’d like add to feeling my emotions, I’ve been rationalizing a lot, Like  a tendency to disassociate myself a lot, whether through daydreaming or activities. So, I rationalize so much that I reach a point where I don’t know if my own rationalization is a way for me to disassociate too. And also, I have to try to understand much more how I have to feel, than what I’m feeling, because I don’t know what I’m feeling, so any conclusion of “which feelings makes more sense at this moment” would be my feeling right now.

And like when I was in therapy she told me something similar like you said she mentioned that this kind of existential crisis that happens is a form of rationalizing — of having to make sense and rationalize my emotions by relating it to others– as opposed to when you cry because you’re sad or you’re laughing even when things are scary. she told me to feel my emotions when they come, and to not repress myself when I’m feeling upset because “it is better to feel yourself now than build unhealthy mechanisms and hurt yourself and others in the future” and I repressed myself for many many years as you know