Dear Paradoxy,

When you have been put in that situation countless times, you end up hating yourself. But that hate won’t stop me from continuing to work towards fixing myself. That hate I have towards my flaws don’t mean I will give up.

I stated all these things for you to UNDERSTAND how I feel. Me listing further proof should not be considered complaining.

I understand how you feel, and I tried to help you stop hating yourself, because that’s possible too. You don’t need to live with that hate and march on, with your teeth clenched, like your father. You can change that basic feeling about yourself.

What I can do right now is work on my healing. But the damage done has such a deep and strong root that it takes more than just a few suggestions to pull it out.

I understand that too, and that’s why I suggested therapy. Reading about communication skills – which you have been doing – won’t be enough.

And I am trying to show you that despite the suffering, it did serve some good. … Comparing that to the severe comments my parents made towards me, I definitely feel stronger than her.

Yes, the abuse increased your endurance level – so you can take more abuse without reacting, without showing to your parents that it bothers you. But that’s not true strength. It’s the clenched teeth lifestyle, with lots of suppression and negative feelings about yourself.

Anyway, I do hope you find solutions for your problems, solutions that involve more self-love and self-compassion, and less endurance of abuse.