Hi Clara

It sounds like a good idea to take a break from the homework while your emotions are high. Well done on taking care of yourself and doing what is right for you.

Going home is an option. But it would be met with resistance. It would not just be things going back to normal.

Perhaps what you want is not necessarily to go home right now, but for things to be back to normal? You both cannot put things back in the bottle, instead you must find a new way to move forward.

It sounds to me that you cherish your relationship. That is a beautiful thing.

I would suggest to keep working on yourself during this break, so that you feel prepared for when you do both come back together. It will take a lot of self control and emotional regulation, as well as healthy communication in difficult conversations.

You are doing really well in unpicking everything. I think that when you do share with your partner all of the work you have done she will be impressed. Perhaps, she would not expect it and she will be pleasantly surprised?

To go into the meeting with no expectations, but a desire to catch up, to check in and learn how your partner is doing with a clear heart and mind might be a goal to work towards.

I don’t know how things will work out, but all you can do is put forward your best self and see what happens next.

I learned something from the book Working with Anger that Roberta suggested. I would recommend reading that one. It is a much lighter read, but still poignant and full of insights. It made me cry, but in a good way.

I learned that love can be a trigger for anger. Sometimes we have the highest expectations for the people we love and trust. Those expectations can be unrealistic.

For example, I used to work with the public and during holiday seasons people were more likely to be rude and cuss out staff. This didn’t bother me because they were strangers. They were just stressed and overreacting, it clearly had nothing to do with me. It was easy for me to walk away, chuckle about the bizarre situation and move on with my day.

But with my partner, smaller things can bother me when my mental health is not good. I start to read into things that are not there. Maybe it means that they don’t care about me if they keep forgetting what I asked for when they offered to go to the store? I always message or call and ask what they want when I do it. I do this because I care and want them to be happy.

This is clearly not true upon calm reflection. My partner is just very busy and rushing. Taking the time to even try to do something nice is a blessing.

Do you see what I mean?

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏